I feel the need to share my story. Maybe to help someone else along the lines or maybe its to help myself along the lines?!? I guess one way or the other hopefully it cant hurt!!!
 
 As long as I can remember since a little girl, I remember waking up just enthusiastic about life! Couldn't wait to jump out of bed and start another day! Every school day ,work day , every single day with a smile on my face and just couldn't wait for the next step or phase in life! I was always striving to have the perfect life and do everything correctly! Sometimes I probably should have been more content and let things play out! But I always been so determined and such a hard worker! Probably not a great quality but I strived to get everything I wanted! Sure things always didn't pan out perfectly they way I wanted them. My mom had been married 4 times by the time I was 20. My biological father was a pretty hefty drug addict, they divorced within a few years after she had me. I've not heard from him since. Second she married my dad, Jerry. He adopted me shortly after they had married and had raised me up until they split up during my high school days. It had a major effect on me! That was definitely my family!! Probably some of the most happiest moments in my life!! My mom and dad did fight like crazy!! I see now that I'm older a divorce  was probably for the best! For years it ripped me apart! Third husband was in my eyes a GARGANTUAN catastrophe! I believe my mother wanted to have more children as I was her only child and I believe she 2 or 3 miscarriages then had to have a hysterectomy. This 3rd husband had 2 children and I believed one part of her wanting to marry this man was the mother more children. They had a mother, but she felt was not up to par and my mother was gonna fix everything! Things got very bad! I remember at one point he held me up by my clothing threatening to punch me repeating the words f..ing B-word. I'm not exactly sure what I did to be in that much trouble. He was very controlling. I wasn't even allowed to get ready in my mothers room or ever take baths in the big jetted tub. I remember the day he threatened me that my mother sat in the corner and watched the entire thing and never said a word. I wanted out of that household! That was NOT ok with me. So I moved in with my dad, Jerry. My mom so angry treated me with the silent treatment! She has always been VERY good at that!! She finally divorced him after she found out he had killed someone very early on in his life and failed to tell her!
 Everything at this point had definitely sent me through a loop! I still remember loving life and had a mother and father even though separated, and I had wonderful friends!! Things weren't how I would have chose, but I was happy and  ready to take on the world!!